Breakthrough Life Coach
Emotional Health
BLOG – The Tao Of Economics
What is depression? Where does it come from?
I heard somewhere that depression is the halo of memories of childhood trauma. A sense of how powerless we were and we still are. I believe that is ̀partly true but, that it also goes beyond simply that. Depression is the symptom of a shaming, unloving inner critic voice, of which we are NOT AWARE, constantly repeating in our heads that we are flawed, not good enough, shit.
Anxiety works the same way, but this time, the inner voice is telling us of excruciating pain lying ahead, how we fucked this or that up and that will lead to this or that horrible catastrophe, and we’ll only have ourselves to blame. Sometimes the voice isn’t just scaring us, but is also blaming us, either for not having done something or for not doing something right now. “Get your lazy ass up now you idiot or that will happen, which will lead to this and you’ll get fired, go homeless”. “DO THIS IMMEDIATELY or you’re fucked in a horrible way and it will all be your fault, you should have done this and that, and now most likely it’s already too late, but still try hard and try and succeed or the rightful punishment will befall you”.
Imagine living life with a constant voice telling your subconscious mind that you are not good enough, that you are ugly, that you are weak, that you are flawed in some way. Or maybe that you are not smart enough, not this or that enough. And you aren’t aware of it. You don’t hear it consciously, but your spirit (or rather subconscious mind) is receiving those messages non stop. How do you think you’ll feel? My guess is: generally shit, down, unmotivated, negative, without even knowing why. And well, that is depression. It is not a “medical illness”, it is not a “sickness”, it is a dynamic of the human being, it is the result of conditioning of a growing little being, a growing little unfinished mind, that got consolidated into what we call “subconscious”.
I think most people have what in Italian we call “la vocina bastarda”, the “little voice in our heads” that makes us suffer. But when that little voice is very LOUD in your subconscious, very violent and aggressive, it can become overwhelming, and that is depression. You feel unworthy and unlovable, and you are not exactly sure why or what you can do about it. And that takes away motivation, as it all feels pointless. Even trying to disprove by action will only lead to short term effects because: 1) To succeed in anything mindset is key, and when you try and achieve something with a voice telling your subconscious that you are not good enough, not capable enough, it becomes an exhausting task, 10, 100 times more difficult than it actually is. 2) even if you succeed, the little voice will still be there, twisting its narrative a bit, moving on to a different target, a different example that proves why you suck.
So, what is the SOLUTION?
The solution is the path, as always, but for those of you who like quick and simple answers, the solution is MINDFULNESS.
Because before you can have any progress you need to bring the little voice OUT, EXPOSE it to YOU, into your consciousness.
It is not easy because our system has protected us by denying the voice, by identifying with it. SO bringing it out feels like a SHOCK, it feels INTRUSIVE, it feels like being possessed by something AWFUL. But it is the OPPOSITE that is happening. By bringing it up and becoming aware of it, you are starting to disentangle yourself from it, to stop IDENTIFYING with it. You are FREEING yourself.
Coming out of denial is very painful but the emotions you’ll feel, as it oftentimes happens, are backward. And by that I mean that the panic, rage and fear are towards THE PAST, the PREVIOUS state, when the voice was unknown to you and therefore internalized, inside you, uncontrolled, bundled and tied to your sense of identity. ANd therefore able to wreak havoc.
By mindfulness I mean practices like paying full attention to your breath, to your body, then to your thoughts, without reacting to them, without rejecting them. Just observing. It is a tough practice that at the beginning feels confusing but you’ll be amazed by the immense progress you can achieve in it in just 1 year. I personally find sitting guided mindfulness practices that focus on the body or breath and then expand to hearing and thinking the most effective. For more info and resources I recommend to you to look at Tara Brach videos on YouTube. She is the best guide into mindfulness practices to my knowledge.
Then you can move on with the following 2 steps, 1)Observation without reaction (or w/o fight/flight response). And 2) practicing self-love. And the reason why I put self love here as a following step is not, of course, because it is less important, it is NOT and should be practiced ALWAYS and no matter what, but simply because once you are AWARE of what is truly going on it is MUCH easier and much more EFFECTIVE to practice self love as a counter to the voice and feelings of unworthiness or guilt that come up.
Even right now, while I am here in a beautiful spanish cafe near the beach, enjoying a tostada and cafe con leche, I am aware that the voice is there, it’s smashing everything at full strength. But I am aware of her presence, her subtle lies, her violent need to crush my sense of self, and am not letting her words become my truth. I observe it with a smile. And because I have now become able to do that I do not feel depressed, I feel the opposite. I feel gratitude, because detaching from the voice words, I was able to enjoy a beautiful chat with Elisa, my landlady, share our hopes, encouragement and just the pleasure of connection with another loving, caring, good human being. I was able to start chatting with a lady nearby who seemed lovely and also up for some connection. She turned out to be very nice and very happy that I threw a joke at her. I was able to receive the appreciation of Lumi, a lovely (and a bit crazy 😉 in a very good way) Finnish mum and expat who saw me sitting here and came for a chat and a laugh. I was able to take in the APPRECIATION of these people, through their attitude, their energy towards me, and feel it, EVEN though the little voice was there continuing with its narrative. I was able to notice that my reality was VERY DIFFERENT than what the voice was saying. And I feel ENERGIZED grateful and HAPPY. I could RECEIVE the positive vibes and appreciation of these people for me, my energy and my company.
And remember: even though you may be feeling depressed, you may still have an energy vibrational level 10 times higher than someone who is not feeling depressed; the beauty of your soul is unaffected by whether or not you experience depression. Love yourself when everyone else is loving you, and love yourself when it feels like nobody else is. Just because “people stigmatize what they do not understand” and many people may not understand depression, that doesn’t mean ANYTHING about how beautiful you or your soul energy are.
Have YOU ever felt depressed? Or have YOU ever thought about what depressed people were going through, maybe a loved one?
What is your reaction or what are your thoughts when that happens? DO you feel it is something that you need to hide? Or have you ever met someone who felt depressed? What were your thoughts about them and their situation?