Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)

Complex PTSD develops from prolonged or repeated relational trauma — often in childhood — rather than a single traumatic incident. It can show up as chronic hypervigilance, emotional flooding, difficulty trusting others, or a persistent, background sense that something is wrong with you, even when nothing specific is happening. Understanding your trauma intellectually often isn’t enough to shift it — real change requires working with the deeply held beliefs below in the subconscious and the nervous system, where the raw shock and emotions are stored, not just the story. 

PTSD is one traumatic effect ( a bomb in your car), cPTSD is the repeated hurt and abuse received within an environment from which you cannot escape. It requires different approaches and techniques. In my view, the number one tool required is an empathetic safe presence, the therapeutic relationship. This comes before any “nervous system toolkit” or technique. It IS the nervous system toolkit.

Toxic Shame (Low Self-Esteem)

There’s a difference between guilt (“I did something bad”) and toxic shame (“I am something bad”). Toxic shame is usually formed early, through criticism, neglect, or environments where your authentic self wasn’t safe to show. It often hides behind competence, perfectionism — a life built around never letting the “flawed” part be seen OR behind people-pleasing and lack of boundaries, sometimes becoming the “buffoon” of the group. Inside, it’s a sense of being less than others, flawed in some way that you can’t really pinpoint, but you just know it’s there. It’s the idea that what you are is bad in some sort of way. It’s a belief yes, but it’s also an emotion deeply entangled inside our body and nervous system. It develops early on as a protective mechanism in a hostile environment, (a child needs to blame itself as recognising his caregivers are emotionally unstable or abusive is terrifying and potentially lethal) or also partially inherited via trans-generational trauma (usually both).

Self esteem is NOT a character trait. It is the result of the conditioning and environment we grew up in. Of the mirroring effect children get from their caregivers, i.e. children are born with an innate sense of enoughness, but subsequently learn to form an idea of themselves based on how they are treated and looked at by their primary caregivers. In simple terms: loving parents grow confident children — abusive, emotionally immature, narcissistic parents grow adults with low self esteem. At its core, your confidence level is the result of how much love or hurt you received as an innocent child. Nothing more nothing less. 

Attachment Wounds

How we learned to connect — or not connect — with our earliest caregivers shapes how we relate to everyone after. Attachment wounds can show up as difficulty trusting a partner, choosing emotionally unavailable people, or an underlying fear that closeness always ends in disappointment or abandonment. The main attachment wounds are those of abandonment, rejection or humiliation. In my experience though, they tend to appear bundled together, so I personally don’t find it very useful to split them apart. 

Mother wound is the attachment wound related to the relationship with the Mother, which has different specifics from a father wound. The mother represents ultimate safety for a child, he depends on her completely. A narcissistic mother will have devastating impact on the psychic development of a child, by either (or a combination of) 

A) Neglect: teaches the child he is invisible, he doesn’t matter, his healthy narcissistic and mirroring needs get ignored, and has extreme consequences on his sense of self 

B) Narcissism: again the child may receive praise hidden in a narcissistic trap, i.e. he is a hero, a genius, the best baby ever, which is actually LACK of intimacy love and care from the mother, substituted by a distant projection, that doesn’t nourish but instead isolates and puts pressure on the child. He will likely learn to associate his worth to him achieving great feats, which most likely he won’t, but even if he were to it could keep him in a constant state of depression, feeling empty and less than, by not having ever within that unconditional kind soft, always present love healthy mothers offer 

C) Parentification or Partnerisation: the mother uses you to fill the needs their parents and/or husband are not fulfilling. This is forced upon the child who doesn’t have the capacity to set a boundary. The child likely grows up becoming a self betraying adult. — 

In all these cases the child consciousness has no other choice but to protect the mother, idealising her as a “holy” or perfect figure, creating a distorted version of her, as recognising her true colours would be terrifying and very dangerous for a child totally dependent on her for his survival. He therefore blames himself developing Toxic Shame and self-hatred, as a survival strategy. He will also develop poor boundaries and the inability to trust its own judgement and wisdom, as well as low self esteem and possibly depression or anxiety.